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Chainmail: Submit your questions about the Sacramento Kings

You ask, we answer!

Welcome back to Chainmail, the only Sacramento Kings mailbag hosted by a giraffe, an orangutan, and a spritz of Liam Neeson's cologne. Plus this week, a special guest!

As always, we're here to answer your questions about anything stirring in your cold, dark, bitter Kings fandom heart. To get those hamster wheels turnin’, here are a few things that may pique your interest:

Now get commenting and ask away!

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Rik Smits
2 months ago

Do you still check out the old site out of habit/curiosity/morbid fascination/glee?
And if you do, what are your feelings/thoughts/gag reflexes?

Ican Hascheezburger
2 months ago
Reply to  RikSmits

Old site? Are you referring to Myspace, Friendster, or Hot or Not?
 

Last edited 2 months ago by Kosta
Tom Cutter
2 months ago
Reply to  Kosta

I think he means FaceBook Safety Cat?

David Sheehy
2 months ago
Reply to  Kosta

I think they’re referring to AOL Online or maybe Compuserve.

Greg Wissinger
Admin
2 months ago
Reply to  RikSmits

I went there once by accident. Finger memory typing in the url. I kinda giggled at the comment counts and moved on.

T I
2 months ago
Reply to  Greg

That’s so weird. One of the posters there assured me that place would do well after all of the ingrates left.

Eric W
2 months ago
Reply to  Otis

Looks like on most posts the “First” guy could pretty confidently also say “Last.”

Ican Hascheezburger
2 months ago

LOL!
 
I wonder if he was trolling them with that?

Alek Bohigian
2 months ago
Reply to  Otis

I’ve noticed that a lot of the comments over there have a decidedly, um, “traditional” feel and a number of the folks who remained seem to really enjoy their “heritage”.

Rob Hessing
2 months ago

OK, so you’re the GM for the Kings…
.
.
.
Actually, there isn’t a question here. It’s a request, perhaps even a plea.

Ican Hascheezburger
2 months ago
Reply to  RobHessing

OK, so you’re wearing pants…
 
🙂

Tom Cutter
2 months ago
Reply to  RobHessing

Summer Olympics 2020, are the Kings this years Dream Team?

Ican Hascheezburger
2 months ago

Who is this week’s special guest?
 
 

Plus this week, a special guest!

 
Follow up question: What would Kevin Fippin recommend to order at a Jersey Mike’s Subs? Will there be a Snackramento episode on this topic?
 
 
 

Last edited 2 months ago by Kosta
Tom Cutter
2 months ago
Reply to  Kosta

About them T-Shirts? I haz ideas..
 

Last edited 2 months ago by ZillersCat
Ican Hascheezburger
2 months ago
Reply to  ZillersCat

Spill it, ZillersCat!
 

Future ideas or suggestions for The Kings Herald website itself

Tom Cutter
2 months ago
Reply to  Kosta

Well, I’d really like to get Jerry with thunder sticks and a VU meter .. but my hack at photoshop..
https://postimg.cc/fk785Zng
https://postimg.cc/hfK3wJ2F

Last edited 2 months ago by ZillersCat
Ican Hascheezburger
2 months ago
Reply to  ZillersCat

LOVE IT!

Tom Cutter
2 months ago
Reply to  Kosta

I used some of SafetyCat tools for the Jerry Loud stuff .. can’t find the Jerry Thunderstick image?
comment image

Rory Cornell
2 months ago
Reply to  ZillersCat

assuming there’s no legal hurdles, I would pay 40 big ones for one of those NBA Jams style shirts, but the team name is French Lick’s Finest and it’s Jerry and Larry on there. 41 big ones if Jerry’s dunks meter is maxed out.

Brenden Nunes
Member
2 months ago
Reply to  Kosta

👀

Ican Hascheezburger
2 months ago
Reply to  Brenden

comment image

Tom Cutter
2 months ago
Reply to  Kosta

Meeeah
 
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Last edited 2 months ago by ZillersCat
Tom Cutter
2 months ago
Reply to  Kosta

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Tom Cutter
2 months ago
Reply to  ZillersCat

We will right what once went wrong Don Quixote .. Los Gato 
comment image
 
 

Last edited 2 months ago by ZillersCat
T D
2 months ago

What percentage do ya’ll put on this whole NBA-bubble-season even ending as planned?

Rob Hessing
2 months ago
Reply to  1951

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T D
2 months ago
Reply to  1951

Adding: Orlando “bubble” doing great so far!
 

T I
2 months ago
Reply to  1951

That bubble held tight for…zero days.
 comment image

T D
2 months ago
Reply to  Otis

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T I
2 months ago
Reply to  1951

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David Sheehy
2 months ago
Reply to  Otis

I just gotta say it. Dr. Fauci is AWESOME! He is the lone shining light in the pandemic shitshow. The federal government makes the Kings FO look amazingly competent.

Ican Hascheezburger
2 months ago

If The Kings Herald were called upon to enter the Netflix game show “FLOOR IS LAVA”, which three TKH staffers would you choose to represent you, and how do you think they would fare?
 

Last edited 2 months ago by Kosta
My Neighbor Turturro
2 months ago
Reply to  Kosta

Does that show pick up steam? I watched the first two episodes, and only found the group of tennis buddies remotely likable (and they took third place out of three teams). In a post-Wipeout/Ninja Warrior/etc. landscape, I kinda feel that the producers kinda winged it with Floor Is Lava.

Ican Hascheezburger
2 months ago

Yeah, I was a bit disappointed. Great concept, but it needs something more. I’d definitely watch it if TKH staffers were on it, though!
 
One show I enjoyed a lot, especially for of some of the contestants, was The Circle. I think Bradley should enter to be on that show. He’d kill it.
 

Last edited 2 months ago by Kosta
My Neighbor Turturro
2 months ago

Based on his recent behavior (tennis, restaurant dining, and attending block parties all while carrying COVID-19) are there any contract loopholes, NBA bylaws, or further investigations that can get Jabari Parker the hell out of Sacramento without owing him $6.5 million? Asking for an entire fanbase.

Alex Vigil
2 months ago

Second this question!

T D
2 months ago

You have inspired me:
 
Based on recent (and all of them for that matter) of his transactions (trades, drafts, FA signings and handling of personnel issues) are there any contract loopholes, NBA bylaws or simply for no other reason than performance that can get Vlade Divac the hell out of the FO?
 
😉

My Neighbor Turturro
2 months ago
Reply to  1951

You forgot “without owing him until 2023”!

David Sheehy
2 months ago

The ‘K’ key no longer works for me on Chrome, and yes, I’ve flushed Chrome’s cache.

Rik Smits
2 months ago

How big an issue is Bagley’s dad? Any news on Fox’s beef with him?

Rory Cornell
2 months ago

what do you have to do to get the sweet Patreon shield? I’m a proud Patron, but I didn’t get my shield 🙁
 
Also, just in general, I want to be like one of those dictators with a massive amount of medals on my uniform, but with TKH icons. 3x 20 upvote comment? Here’s an icon (flex emoji). You beat Otis on the final day to win the StR/TKH Fantasy Bball Championship? Here’s your trophy (WWE-style belt works too). You post a comment for 100 straight days? Boom, you get an icon (Will Ferrell “let’s go streaking” emoji).

Ican Hascheezburger
2 months ago
Reply to  RORDOG

I’d love to see what kind of medal the Nostradumbass reigning champion gets. And if he’s a TWO-TIME champion, is the medal even shinier? They should at least give him a free breakfast.
 
 

Last edited 2 months ago by Kosta
Rory Cornell
2 months ago
Reply to  RORDOG

That was fast!

Rob Hessing
2 months ago
Reply to  RORDOG

Should have asked for a blow job.

T D
2 months ago
Reply to  RobHessing

Is that not what a rordog patreon is? I thought that’s what the kids called it these days.

Ican Hascheezburger
2 months ago
Reply to  RobHessing

Rordog: “I am here for blow job.”
 
(In walks Charlton Heston)
 
“I am Blow Job.”
 comment image
 
 
 
 

Last edited 2 months ago by Kosta
Tom Cutter
2 months ago
Reply to  Kosta

Wow, Eastwood looks a lot like Heston ..
comment image
 

Last edited 2 months ago by ZillersCat
My Neighbor Turturro
2 months ago
Reply to  ZillersCat

Well, they kinda morphed into one confusing mess of a person around twenty years ago. Kind of similar to Nolte/Busey, but with gun fetishes and right-wing vitriol instead of drugs, alcohol, and public freakouts in Walgreen’s.

Rob Hessing
2 months ago
Reply to  Kosta

Ben Hu(mme)r.
 

Last edited 2 months ago by RobHessing
Rory Cornell
2 months ago
Reply to  RobHessing

“that was fast!”
-RORDOG’s Wife (post-blow j)

T D
2 months ago
Reply to  RORDOG

“that was fast!”
 
-My indigestion after eating a RORDOG

Rory Cornell
2 months ago
Reply to  1951

The full RORDOG experience is 2 RORDOGS and 2 Olde English 800s for $5. The OE numbs the senses so you don’t get to truly experience the gut-related side effects until the next morning.

Rory Cornell
2 months ago
Reply to  RORDOG

Also, speaking of garbage food I tend to enjoy, I started frying hot pockets instead of just microwaving them, and it’s really a gamechanger.

T I
2 months ago
Reply to  RORDOG

I suspect your colon alone could take the Lakers to a seventh game.

Ican Hascheezburger
2 months ago
Reply to  Otis

Too soon for a Kobe Sacramento hamburger joke?

Ican Hascheezburger
2 months ago
Reply to  RORDOG

What happens if you put Pop Tarts inside the Hot Pockets sleeve, and then microwave them?

Rory Cornell
2 months ago
Reply to  Kosta

the microwave rips a hole in the space-time continuum creating some sort of quantum event in which the pop tart is also a hot pocket.

My Neighbor Turturro
2 months ago
Reply to  Kosta

This. This is what happens.

Tom Cutter
2 months ago

But RORDOG could eat it right?

Rory Cornell
2 months ago

lol now I’m craving some sort of air fryed flaming hot buffalo cauliflower florets

T D
2 months ago
Reply to  RORDOG

They aren’t this responsive to approving comments! 😉

T I
2 months ago
Reply to  RORDOG

You beat Otis on the final day to win the StR/TKH Fantasy Bball Championship?

That icon should be a big fat asterisk. 😂

Rory Cornell
2 months ago
Reply to  Otis

I had the foresight to know that Josh Hart would score 30 (7 of 9 from three) in a meaningless basketball game. No asterisks required.

T I
2 months ago
Reply to  RORDOG

It really was a research failure on my part.
 
Speaking of, I assume fantasy basketball is out the window for this shortened season? Might be fun to do a side league for the handful of games prior to it shutting down again.
 
Just make sure there’s a dozen or so injured reserve spots.

Rory Cornell
2 months ago
Reply to  Otis

it would be fun to do one for the entirety of the post-season. There’d be more strategy involved since you’d need to guess when players will get eliminated. Also (I know this is a bit morbid), but do players like Gobert and Buddy get a slight bump in the rankings since they’ve already contracted the virus and have some level of antibodies present?

Eric W
2 months ago
Reply to  Otis

We each select one player that was signed just for the bubble. Here’s the list:
 
Joakim Noah
Corey Brewer
David Nwaba
Anthony Tolliver
Tyler Johnson
Tyler Zeller
Jerian Grant
Jared Harper
Ryan Broekhoff
Trey Burke
Theo Pinson
Justin Patton
Justin Anderson
Jordan Bell
Jaylen Adams

Rory Cornell
2 months ago

dibs on Jaylen Adams
(also I don’t think Jordan Bell is entering the bubble since he signed with the Cavs)

T D
2 months ago
Reply to  RORDOG

I’ll take whoever the Nets signed. Somebody has to play for that team, right?

Eric W
2 months ago
Reply to  RORDOG

Oh, you’re right. Neither is Jared Harper then.

Ican Hascheezburger
2 months ago

One correction: his name is now Jerian________

Maxwell Huss
2 months ago
Reply to  Kosta

There are still some really good Grants though. Ulysses is one of my favorite historical people. Really good documentary on History channel by the way, if anyone’s interested in stuff like that.

Eric W
2 months ago

Sidenotes:
 

  • Remember when Jordan Bell was talked about as a total steal in the second round?
  • How about the fall of Tyler Johnson, eh?
  • If Justin Patton can ever stay healthy (BIG IF) he could very well be the next Christian Wood, but will better passing.
  • Nwaba would be a worthwhile pickup for the Kings next season. Basically, Bazemore on the league minimum.
Rory Cornell
2 months ago

the RORDOG All-Stars starting 5 (random players I’ve always wanted the Kings to sign) would probably be Z. Smith/Nwaba/DFS/Prince/O’Quinn.
 
I assume the BHE All-Stars would include Christian Wood, Justin Patton and Nicolas Claxton?

Eric W
2 months ago
Reply to  RORDOG

Oh man, there have been so many. And, as I think about it, usually bigs. You can add Holmes and Bolden from the 76ers days. I still don’t know why Uthoff hasn’t gotten more of a chance.

Rory Cornell
2 months ago

dynamic bigs are just so much more interesting to me than like 3&D wings. Like I said with Giles, they seem to unlock the potential of other players in a way that’s unique. They’re a cheat code in a way that’s hard to describe. The best I can think of is that they’re like salt and pepper. On their own they’re not that important. But they are an essential component if you happen to have a high-quality steak. It’s not the best analogy, but hopefully you get my point.

Maxwell Huss
2 months ago
Reply to  Otis

Whoa I just checked the fantasy league site for the first time since March, and it’s looks like I’m the champion this year!! No idea how that works, since I was tied with another team for best record and he had more points than me… but hey I’ll take it.
 
I wonder if we could do something though for the 8 game season. Maybe just one week of 1 vs 4 and 2 vs 3… then a longer week for the championship. I realize it’s not going to be perfect because there are only 22 teams playing. But might be fun anyway.

Rory Cornell
2 months ago
Reply to  AirmaxPG

welcome to the club!

Jesus Wenceslao
2 months ago

Is the Kings front office at an advantage or disadvantage for this year’s draft given they probably can’t do workouts?

Alex Vigil
2 months ago
Reply to  jcwkings

Does it make a difference with this front office? Probably not. Take the consensus choice at whatever draft slot we end up getting and the Kings FO will use the laws of NBA 2.0 to choose a nonsensical selection. Happy days….

Eric W
2 months ago
Reply to  jcwkings

The Kings front office is at a disadvantage in general.
 
But I wouldn’t be surprised if not doing workouts gave the 2020 version an ultimate advantage over other years. Less chance to overthink and fret over how much a player wants to be in Sacramento. HINT: Zero draftees “want” to be Sacramento given the choice.
 
 

Alex Vigil
2 months ago

Do we ever get the second ‘star’ on this squad without jettisoning our depth (ie via trade) or are all hopes pinned to Bagley (which is a leap, but maybe the best of our limited options)?

Rory Cornell
2 months ago
Reply to  TheKingsGuard

Everybody is invited to join me on “the key to unlocking Bagley’s stardom is developing Giles’ ability to protect the rim and stretch the floor” island. Supplies are sparse on the island so please bring beer.

Eric W
2 months ago
Reply to  RORDOG

So the key to unlocking Bagley’s stardom is Giles turning into a star.

Rory Cornell
2 months ago

yuuuupppp! IMO the only avenue for the Kings to become a championship caliber team is if Giles blossoms into the perfect compliment to Bagley.

Eric W
2 months ago
Reply to  RORDOG

Sounds good. Of course, if Giles blossoms into the floor stretching, rim-protecting, sweet passing big you’re describing, he’d be a perfect compliment to pretty much anyone. And The question would be whether Bagley maximizes Giles rather than the other way around.

Greg R.
2 months ago

With regards to this year’s draft: trade up, trade down, trade out of the draft, or just keep the pick?

Eric W
2 months ago
Reply to  MaybeNextYear

Yes.

Graham Caplan
2 months ago

For Orlando, who leads the team in per game stats:
Points
Assists
Rebounds
Steals
Blocks
Technical Fouls?

T D
2 months ago

Kings twitter is active:
 
Bagley good to go.
 

 

 

Last edited 2 months ago by 1951
T D
2 months ago
Reply to  1951

Also, Walton just checked the game tape from February and added this:
 

T D
2 months ago
Reply to  1951

No Kings opt outs yet:
 

T D
2 months ago
Reply to  1951

Remember when coach Joerger made sure the Kings started the season in better shape than everyone else? Good times.
 
Well, at least Walton’s “surprise” is pleasant! 😉
 

David Sheehy
2 months ago
Reply to  1951

Wasn’t Harrison Barnes quoted as saying he hadn’t been working out much if at all?

T D
2 months ago
Reply to  1951

Too early for Walton to figure out how to even use Bagley. Every other NBA FO/coaching staff: shocker! 😉
 

Eric W
2 months ago
Reply to  1951

Really gotta give it 3 or 4 years. More if you change something like the coach or system or any roster slot or jersey design or…

Maxwell Huss
2 months ago

Doesn’t this pretty much sum up any KHTK Kings segment over the last decade plus?
 
“We know (insert FO decision here) looks bad now. But we can’t really judge for another 3 years…”

David Sheehy
2 months ago
Reply to  1951

Neither of those quotes says anything about how WELL he’ll play.

G Naps
2 months ago

Will the KingsHerald staff support the next iteration of HereWeBillboard?
 

Kevin Lam
2 months ago
Reply to  G-naps

I would!

Ican Hascheezburger
2 months ago
Reply to  G-naps

That’s what the Stimulus Check is for, right?

Rob Hessing
2 months ago

The players might be rusty, but this thread is in mid-season form. Thanks for the hump day laughs, y’all.

Kevin Lam
2 months ago
Reply to  RobHessing

Considering the times we are living in, I’m glad I have somewhere to go to virtually talk to people and share jokes/puns/GIFs. Not exaggerating when I say this truly helps me get through the days.

T D
2 months ago
Reply to  Klam

“It was the best of times, it was the 2020 of times, it was the age of Fauci, it was the age of Trump, it was the epoch of Covid, it was the epoch of mask social warfare, it was the season of Summer basketball, it was the season of Stay-the-fuck-at-home, it was the spring of banana bread, it was the winter of no toilet paper, we had everything before us on Amazon, we had nothing left at Safeway, we were all going direct to vaccination salvation, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.”
 

Last edited 2 months ago by 1951
David Sheehy
2 months ago
Reply to  1951

it was the spring of banana bread,

 
I don’t think I’ve ever had sourdough banana bread.

Tom Cutter
2 months ago
Reply to  1951

Write On
 
comment image
 
 

Last edited 2 months ago by ZillersCat
Adam Dieter
2 months ago

Is there anyone in this draft class that’s worth trading up for, especially if it involves future assets? Being that this is seen as a “role player” draft, a team would only trade up if they felt there was a star there, right?
 

Last edited 2 months ago by Adamsite
Maxwell Huss
2 months ago

Is there any good reason why the NBA didn’t adopt the top-16 teams in the playoffs this year (regardless of conference)? Seems the perfect time to test this system, given the absence of travel within the Orlando bubble.
 
Instead of having NO, POR, SAC, SAS, ORL, BKN, and PHX all within 4 games of each other duking it out for the last 2 playoff spots… we have a pillowfight in the east with the Wizards and a short-handed Nets team.

Michael McKay
2 months ago

What do you think the Kings need to invest in next season? We have three role players coming off the books (Bazemore, Len, and Captain Charisma Mr. Harry Giles) this year, two other starters (Bjelica and Holmes) and CoJo with a cheap buyout are coming off the season. The Kings will have Fox, Barnes, Buddy, Bogi (safe to assume the team matches any offer), Justin James,, and Marvelous Marvin on the books for 21-22. I know we have a probably lottery pick this year that would be part of that, but we might Papagiannisize that pick as well. Is re-signing Holmes a priority? Does Vlade target a stretch 4 like Markkanen to replace Bjelica (he will be 33 before his next contract)? Is Free Agency where we can best fill those needs or the trade market (for other teams the draft would be an option, but that seems more difficult for Sac).
 

Last edited 2 months ago by MichaelMack
Alek Bohigian
2 months ago

If given truth serum, how confident are you REALLY that the Kings make the playoffs in the next 5 years?

Tom Cutter
2 months ago

OK, I’ll ask .. What kind of cat is on the Giraffes shoulders? Asking for all cat Icons… Dude I found Waldo?
 

Last edited 2 months ago by ZillersCat
Tom Cutter
2 months ago

When are the Chain Mail T-Shirts coming out .. I must Haz it!

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