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Chainmail: Submit your questions about the Sacramento Kings

You ask, we answer!

Welcome back to Chainmail, the only Sacramento Kings mailbag hosted by a giraffe, an orangutan, and a spritz of Liam Neeson's cologne. Plus this week, a special guest!

As always, we're here to answer your questions about anything stirring in your cold, dark, bitter Kings fandom heart. To get those hamster wheels turnin', here are a few things that may pique your interest:

Now get commenting and ask away!

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RikSmits
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July 1, 2020 8:43 am

Do you still check out the old site out of habit/curiosity/morbid fascination/glee?
And if you do, what are your feelings/thoughts/gag reflexes?

Kosta
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July 1, 2020 9:23 am
Reply to  RikSmits

Old site? Are you referring to Myspace, Friendster, or Hot or Not?
 

Last edited 2 years ago by Kosta
ZillersCat
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July 1, 2020 9:26 am
Reply to  Kosta

I think he means FaceBook Safety Cat?

Hozr
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July 1, 2020 10:33 am
Reply to  Kosta

I think they’re referring to AOL Online or maybe Compuserve.

Greg
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July 1, 2020 9:41 am
Reply to  RikSmits

I went there once by accident. Finger memory typing in the url. I kinda giggled at the comment counts and moved on.

Otis
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July 1, 2020 11:50 am
Reply to  Greg

That’s so weird. One of the posters there assured me that place would do well after all of the ingrates left.

BestHyperboleEver
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July 1, 2020 1:01 pm
Reply to  Otis

Looks like on most posts the “First” guy could pretty confidently also say “Last.”

Kosta
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July 1, 2020 2:11 pm

LOL!
 
I wonder if he was trolling them with that?

ForKingsandCountry
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July 2, 2020 9:11 am
Reply to  Otis

I’ve noticed that a lot of the comments over there have a decidedly, um, “traditional” feel and a number of the folks who remained seem to really enjoy their “heritage”.

RobHessing
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July 1, 2020 9:07 am

OK, so you’re the GM for the Kings…
.
.
.
Actually, there isn’t a question here. It’s a request, perhaps even a plea.

Kosta
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July 1, 2020 9:24 am
Reply to  RobHessing

OK, so you’re wearing pants…
 
🙂

ZillersCat
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July 3, 2020 2:58 am
Reply to  RobHessing

Summer Olympics 2020, are the Kings this years Dream Team?

Kosta
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July 1, 2020 9:13 am

Who is this week’s special guest?
 
 

Plus this week, a special guest!

 
Follow up question: What would Kevin Fippin recommend to order at a Jersey Mike’s Subs? Will there be a Snackramento episode on this topic?
 
 
 

Last edited 2 years ago by Kosta
ZillersCat
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July 1, 2020 9:27 am
Reply to  Kosta

About them T-Shirts? I haz ideas..
 

Last edited 2 years ago by ZillersCat
Kosta
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July 1, 2020 9:41 am
Reply to  ZillersCat

Spill it, ZillersCat!
 

Future ideas or suggestions for The Kings Herald website itself

ZillersCat
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July 1, 2020 11:14 am
Reply to  Kosta

Well, I’d really like to get Jerry with thunder sticks and a VU meter .. but my hack at photoshop..
https://postimg.cc/fk785Zng
https://postimg.cc/hfK3wJ2F

Last edited 2 years ago by ZillersCat
Kosta
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July 1, 2020 11:26 am
Reply to  ZillersCat

LOVE IT!

ZillersCat
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July 1, 2020 12:50 pm
Reply to  Kosta

I used some of SafetyCat tools for the Jerry Loud stuff .. can’t find the Jerry Thunderstick image?
comment image

RORDOG
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July 1, 2020 10:10 am
Reply to  ZillersCat

assuming there’s no legal hurdles, I would pay 40 big ones for one of those NBA Jams style shirts, but the team name is French Lick’s Finest and it’s Jerry and Larry on there. 41 big ones if Jerry’s dunks meter is maxed out.

Brenden
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July 1, 2020 11:08 am
Reply to  Kosta

👀

Kosta
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July 1, 2020 11:27 pm
Reply to  Brenden

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ZillersCat
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July 2, 2020 5:48 am
Reply to  Kosta

Meeeah
 
comment image

Last edited 2 years ago by ZillersCat
ZillersCat
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July 4, 2020 7:22 am
Reply to  Kosta

comment image

ZillersCat
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July 4, 2020 7:27 am
Reply to  ZillersCat

We will right what once went wrong Don Quixote .. Los Gato 
comment image
 
 

Last edited 2 years ago by ZillersCat
1951
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July 1, 2020 10:03 am

What percentage do ya’ll put on this whole NBA-bubble-season even ending as planned?

RobHessing
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July 1, 2020 10:39 am
Reply to  1951

comment image

1951
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July 1, 2020 11:23 am
Reply to  1951

Adding: Orlando “bubble” doing great so far!
 

Otis
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July 1, 2020 11:41 am
Reply to  1951

That bubble held tight for…zero days.
 comment image

1951
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July 1, 2020 11:55 am
Reply to  Otis

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Otis
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July 1, 2020 12:05 pm
Reply to  1951

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Hozr
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July 1, 2020 10:08 pm
Reply to  Otis

I just gotta say it. Dr. Fauci is AWESOME! He is the lone shining light in the pandemic shitshow. The federal government makes the Kings FO look amazingly competent.

Kosta
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July 1, 2020 10:26 am

If The Kings Herald were called upon to enter the Netflix game show “FLOOR IS LAVA”, which three TKH staffers would you choose to represent you, and how do you think they would fare?
 

Last edited 2 years ago by Kosta
MyNeighborTurturro
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July 1, 2020 10:33 am
Reply to  Kosta

Does that show pick up steam? I watched the first two episodes, and only found the group of tennis buddies remotely likable (and they took third place out of three teams). In a post-Wipeout/Ninja Warrior/etc. landscape, I kinda feel that the producers kinda winged it with Floor Is Lava.

Kosta
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July 1, 2020 10:44 am

Yeah, I was a bit disappointed. Great concept, but it needs something more. I’d definitely watch it if TKH staffers were on it, though!
 
One show I enjoyed a lot, especially for of some of the contestants, was The Circle. I think Bradley should enter to be on that show. He’d kill it.
 

Last edited 2 years ago by Kosta
MyNeighborTurturro
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July 1, 2020 10:30 am

Based on his recent behavior (tennis, restaurant dining, and attending block parties all while carrying COVID-19) are there any contract loopholes, NBA bylaws, or further investigations that can get Jabari Parker the hell out of Sacramento without owing him $6.5 million? Asking for an entire fanbase.

TheKingsGuard
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July 1, 2020 11:27 am

Second this question!

1951
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July 1, 2020 11:33 am

You have inspired me:
 
Based on recent (and all of them for that matter) of his transactions (trades, drafts, FA signings and handling of personnel issues) are there any contract loopholes, NBA bylaws or simply for no other reason than performance that can get Vlade Divac the hell out of the FO?
 
😉

MyNeighborTurturro
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July 1, 2020 12:22 pm
Reply to  1951

You forgot “without owing him until 2023”!

Hozr
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July 1, 2020 10:38 am

The ‘K’ key no longer works for me on Chrome, and yes, I’ve flushed Chrome’s cache.

RikSmits
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July 1, 2020 10:43 am

How big an issue is Bagley’s dad? Any news on Fox’s beef with him?

RORDOG
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July 1, 2020 10:44 am

what do you have to do to get the sweet Patreon shield? I’m a proud Patron, but I didn’t get my shield 🙁
 
Also, just in general, I want to be like one of those dictators with a massive amount of medals on my uniform, but with TKH icons. 3x 20 upvote comment? Here’s an icon (flex emoji). You beat Otis on the final day to win the StR/TKH Fantasy Bball Championship? Here’s your trophy (WWE-style belt works too). You post a comment for 100 straight days? Boom, you get an icon (Will Ferrell “let’s go streaking” emoji).

Kosta
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July 1, 2020 10:50 am
Reply to  RORDOG

I’d love to see what kind of medal the Nostradumbass reigning champion gets. And if he’s a TWO-TIME champion, is the medal even shinier? They should at least give him a free breakfast.
 
 

Last edited 2 years ago by Kosta
RORDOG
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July 1, 2020 10:54 am
Reply to  RORDOG

That was fast!

RobHessing
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July 1, 2020 11:01 am
Reply to  RORDOG

Should have asked for a blow job.

1951
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July 1, 2020 11:03 am
Reply to  RobHessing

Is that not what a rordog patreon is? I thought that’s what the kids called it these days.

Kosta
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July 1, 2020 11:31 am
Reply to  RobHessing

Rordog: “I am here for blow job.”
 
(In walks Charlton Heston)
 
“I am Blow Job.”
 comment image
 
 
 
 

Last edited 2 years ago by Kosta
ZillersCat
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July 1, 2020 11:54 am
Reply to  Kosta

Wow, Eastwood looks a lot like Heston ..
comment image
 

Last edited 2 years ago by ZillersCat
MyNeighborTurturro
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July 1, 2020 12:25 pm
Reply to  ZillersCat

Well, they kinda morphed into one confusing mess of a person around twenty years ago. Kind of similar to Nolte/Busey, but with gun fetishes and right-wing vitriol instead of drugs, alcohol, and public freakouts in Walgreen’s.

RobHessing
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July 1, 2020 1:48 pm
Reply to  Kosta

Ben Hu(mme)r.
 

Last edited 2 years ago by RobHessing
RORDOG
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July 1, 2020 11:50 am
Reply to  RobHessing

“that was fast!”
-RORDOG’s Wife (post-blow j)

1951
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July 1, 2020 11:57 am
Reply to  RORDOG

€œthat was fast!€
 
-My indigestion after eating a RORDOG

RORDOG
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July 1, 2020 12:09 pm
Reply to  1951

The full RORDOG experience is 2 RORDOGS and 2 Olde English 800s for $5. The OE numbs the senses so you don’t get to truly experience the gut-related side effects until the next morning.

RORDOG
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July 1, 2020 12:12 pm
Reply to  RORDOG

Also, speaking of garbage food I tend to enjoy, I started frying hot pockets instead of just microwaving them, and it’s really a gamechanger.

Otis
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July 1, 2020 12:25 pm
Reply to  RORDOG

I suspect your colon alone could take the Lakers to a seventh game.

Kosta
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July 1, 2020 12:38 pm
Reply to  Otis

Too soon for a Kobe Sacramento hamburger joke?

Kosta
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July 1, 2020 12:37 pm
Reply to  RORDOG

What happens if you put Pop Tarts inside the Hot Pockets sleeve, and then microwave them?

RORDOG
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July 1, 2020 12:54 pm
Reply to  Kosta

the microwave rips a hole in the space-time continuum creating some sort of quantum event in which the pop tart is also a hot pocket.

MyNeighborTurturro
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July 1, 2020 1:35 pm
Reply to  Kosta

This. This is what happens.

exploding-toilet.jpg
ZillersCat
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July 1, 2020 1:47 pm

But RORDOG could eat it right?

RORDOG
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July 1, 2020 2:02 pm

lol now I’m craving some sort of air fryed flaming hot buffalo cauliflower florets

1951
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July 1, 2020 11:04 am
Reply to  RORDOG

They aren’t this responsive to approving comments! 😉

Otis
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July 1, 2020 11:09 am
Reply to  RORDOG

You beat Otis on the final day to win the StR/TKH Fantasy Bball Championship?

That icon should be a big fat asterisk. 😂

RORDOG
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July 1, 2020 11:44 am
Reply to  Otis

I had the foresight to know that Josh Hart would score 30 (7 of 9 from three) in a meaningless basketball game. No asterisks required.

Otis
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July 1, 2020 11:48 am
Reply to  RORDOG

It really was a research failure on my part.
 
Speaking of, I assume fantasy basketball is out the window for this shortened season? Might be fun to do a side league for the handful of games prior to it shutting down again.
 
Just make sure there’s a dozen or so injured reserve spots.

RORDOG
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July 1, 2020 12:02 pm
Reply to  Otis

it would be fun to do one for the entirety of the post-season. There’d be more strategy involved since you’d need to guess when players will get eliminated. Also (I know this is a bit morbid), but do players like Gobert and Buddy get a slight bump in the rankings since they’ve already contracted the virus and have some level of antibodies present?

BestHyperboleEver
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July 1, 2020 12:33 pm
Reply to  Otis

We each select one player that was signed just for the bubble. Here’s the list:
 
Joakim Noah
Corey Brewer
David Nwaba
Anthony Tolliver
Tyler Johnson
Tyler Zeller
Jerian Grant
Jared Harper
Ryan Broekhoff
Trey Burke
Theo Pinson
Justin Patton
Justin Anderson
Jordan Bell
Jaylen Adams

RORDOG
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July 1, 2020 12:37 pm

dibs on Jaylen Adams
(also I don’t think Jordan Bell is entering the bubble since he signed with the Cavs)

1951
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July 1, 2020 12:38 pm
Reply to  RORDOG

I’ll take whoever the Nets signed. Somebody has to play for that team, right?

BestHyperboleEver
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July 1, 2020 12:43 pm
Reply to  RORDOG

Oh, you’re right. Neither is Jared Harper then.

Kosta
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July 1, 2020 12:39 pm

One correction: his name is now Jerian________

AirmaxPG
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July 1, 2020 1:55 pm
Reply to  Kosta

There are still some really good Grants though. Ulysses is one of my favorite historical people. Really good documentary on History channel by the way, if anyone’s interested in stuff like that.

BestHyperboleEver
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July 1, 2020 12:42 pm

Sidenotes:
 

  • Remember when Jordan Bell was talked about as a total steal in the second round?
  • How about the fall of Tyler Johnson, eh?
  • If Justin Patton can ever stay healthy (BIG IF) he could very well be the next Christian Wood, but will better passing.
  • Nwaba would be a worthwhile pickup for the Kings next season. Basically, Bazemore on the league minimum.
RORDOG
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July 1, 2020 1:45 pm

the RORDOG All-Stars starting 5 (random players I’ve always wanted the Kings to sign) would probably be Z. Smith/Nwaba/DFS/Prince/O’Quinn.
 
I assume the BHE All-Stars would include Christian Wood, Justin Patton and Nicolas Claxton?

BestHyperboleEver
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July 1, 2020 4:59 pm
Reply to  RORDOG

Oh man, there have been so many. And, as I think about it, usually bigs. You can add Holmes and Bolden from the 76ers days. I still don’t know why Uthoff hasn’t gotten more of a chance.

RORDOG
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July 1, 2020 8:09 pm

dynamic bigs are just so much more interesting to me than like 3&D wings. Like I said with Giles, they seem to unlock the potential of other players in a way that’s unique. They’re a cheat code in a way that’s hard to describe. The best I can think of is that they’re like salt and pepper. On their own they’re not that important. But they are an essential component if you happen to have a high-quality steak. It’s not the best analogy, but hopefully you get my point.

AirmaxPG
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July 1, 2020 1:27 pm
Reply to  Otis

Whoa I just checked the fantasy league site for the first time since March, and it’s looks like I’m the champion this year!! No idea how that works, since I was tied with another team for best record and he had more points than me… but hey I’ll take it.
 
I wonder if we could do something though for the 8 game season. Maybe just one week of 1 vs 4 and 2 vs 3… then a longer week for the championship. I realize it’s not going to be perfect because there are only 22 teams playing. But might be fun anyway.

RORDOG
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July 1, 2020 1:34 pm
Reply to  AirmaxPG

welcome to the club!

jcwkings
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July 1, 2020 11:18 am

Is the Kings front office at an advantage or disadvantage for this year’s draft given they probably can’t do workouts?

TheKingsGuard
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July 1, 2020 11:30 am
Reply to  jcwkings

Does it make a difference with this front office? Probably not. Take the consensus choice at whatever draft slot we end up getting and the Kings FO will use the laws of NBA 2.0 to choose a nonsensical selection. Happy days….

BestHyperboleEver
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July 1, 2020 11:51 am
Reply to  jcwkings

The Kings front office is at a disadvantage in general.
 
But I wouldn’t be surprised if not doing workouts gave the 2020 version an ultimate advantage over other years. Less chance to overthink and fret over how much a player wants to be in Sacramento. HINT: Zero draftees “want” to be Sacramento given the choice.
 
 

TheKingsGuard
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July 1, 2020 11:41 am

Do we ever get the second ‘star’ on this squad without jettisoning our depth (ie via trade) or are all hopes pinned to Bagley (which is a leap, but maybe the best of our limited options)?

RORDOG
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July 1, 2020 3:26 pm
Reply to  TheKingsGuard

Everybody is invited to join me on “the key to unlocking Bagley’s stardom is developing Giles’ ability to protect the rim and stretch the floor” island. Supplies are sparse on the island so please bring beer.

BestHyperboleEver
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July 1, 2020 6:01 pm
Reply to  RORDOG

So the key to unlocking Bagley’s stardom is Giles turning into a star.

RORDOG
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July 1, 2020 7:12 pm

yuuuupppp! IMO the only avenue for the Kings to become a championship caliber team is if Giles blossoms into the perfect compliment to Bagley.

BestHyperboleEver
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July 1, 2020 10:48 pm
Reply to  RORDOG

Sounds good. Of course, if Giles blossoms into the floor stretching, rim-protecting, sweet passing big you’re describing, he’d be a perfect compliment to pretty much anyone. And The question would be whether Bagley maximizes Giles rather than the other way around.

MaybeNextYear
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July 1, 2020 11:44 am

With regards to this year’s draft: trade up, trade down, trade out of the draft, or just keep the pick?

BestHyperboleEver
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July 1, 2020 12:17 pm
Reply to  MaybeNextYear

Yes.

LandParkJimmer
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July 1, 2020 12:08 pm

For Orlando, who leads the team in per game stats:
Points
Assists
Rebounds
Steals
Blocks
Technical Fouls?

1951
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July 1, 2020 12:19 pm

Kings twitter is active:
 
Bagley good to go.
 

 

 

Last edited 2 years ago by 1951
1951
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July 1, 2020 12:20 pm
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Also, Walton just checked the game tape from February and added this:
 

1951
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July 1, 2020 12:21 pm
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No Kings opt outs yet:
 

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July 1, 2020 12:23 pm
Reply to  1951

Remember when coach Joerger made sure the Kings started the season in better shape than everyone else? Good times.
 
Well, at least Walton’s “surprise” is pleasant! 😉