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Kings vs. Lakers Preview: Easier than Lying

The Sacramento Kings have lost five straight and now have to take on Lebron James and... well basically just Lebron James at this point.

The Kings have lost five straight and are home taking on the Los Angeles Lakers tonight for the very last time this season! While the Kings have casually cruised to the third worst record in the Western Conference recently, the Lakers have clung in desperation to their slim lead on the seventh seed in the West, like an old bag of bones wresting at his sheets, fighting against inevitability during his final breaths in the seventh nicest room of his once proud, now dilapidated, seventeen room mansion. The Lakers as we have come to know them, are finished. The Lakers as Lakers fans have come to know, have never existed. Both of those realizations are finally at hand.

Let's talk Kings basketball.

When: Wednesday, January 11th, 7:00 PM PT

Where: Golden 1 Center, Sacramento, CA

TV: NBCSCA - Mark Jones (play-by-play)

RadioKHTK Sports 1140 AM

For Your Consideration

Bad At Love: So, as pleasant as it is to hear the weeping and gnashing of teeth in Tinseltown, I'm also not suddenly going to drop my current task at hand with the Kings. They're terrible. They're a Chimezie Metu buzzer beater and two clutch De'Aaron Fox free throws away from having lost eight games in row against mostly COVID and injury wrecked teams so, they're not suddenly getting praise heaped upon them because something worse and more outward repugnant came into town. This isn't American politics for god's sake.

The Lakers, unlike most teams the Kings have played, are out only a couple of players for tonight contest; Kendrick Nunn, who has done nothing for the Lakers this season, is still out for with an injury. Anthony Day-to-Davis, is still out with a sprained MCL. Outside of that, the Lakers are raring to go. Russell Westbrook is grumpy about reporters calling him a point guard, Carmelo Anthony is certain to be wine drunk and extra shot happy being this close to Napa and all. Hey, want to hear something insane? The Lakers are #1 in the league in pace. That's the only stat I'm going to give you today. They're #1 in the league in pace. A team with De'Aaron Fox leading the charge has to be electrically prodded some nights to get into the Top 10 in the category, but the Mall Walkers of America are top of the heap. I can only assume this is due to wights and ghosts being imbued with apparition and fast traveling capabilities if they've sold enough of their soul to Warner Bros.

Lakers fans might fill up G1C tonight, their team might even win the game, but they'll never know the warmth of their family's pride or see a true look of admiration from a child's eyes.

A Thing To Read, Watch, or Do

Read, This Tweet from Music Superstar and Lakers Fan, Halsey: 

Now, 99.9% of the time I'm going to take this section serious and give you some healthy alternatives to watching the soul vacuum that is the Kings franchise right now, but today, today is that .1%, bud. Read this, and gaze upon the level of up-your-own-assitude you'd have to have to feel like you’re invincible because your weather and commercial opportunities afford you the chance to constantly recruit aged stars looking to coast for the rest of their careers. Like many, I took this at first to be that she was pained watching a team that won a championship during the same pandemic that we're still currently in, but turns out, it was stupid in a much more regular, goofy ass Lakers fan way. LA brain is terrifying. This is your anti-moment of zen for today.

Prediction

Lakers fans drive home tonight and wonder if anyone has ever truly loved them.

Kings: 118, Lakers: 106

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1951
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January 12, 2022 11:24 am

Well, Lakers fans should push attendance above 5,000 people tonight!

hashtag silver linings!

Klam
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Nostradumbass 18
Nostradumbass 19
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January 12, 2022 11:52 am
Reply to  1951

Lakers getting two extra home games every year.

TerzoM
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January 12, 2022 11:39 am

Let’s go Metu!
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andy_sims
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January 12, 2022 12:04 pm

I think Halsey is an amazing artist, but that buys her no consideration as a self-pitying Lakers fan.

That bunch needs a decade in the wilderness like few others.

Jman1949
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January 12, 2022 12:05 pm

It’s the L***rs for the fourth time.
We’re slipping while they’re on a climb.
Eschew clock obsession—
Make sure there’s possession—
These mental mistakes are a crime!

RobHessing
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January 12, 2022 1:12 pm

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andy_sims
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January 12, 2022 2:10 pm
Reply to  RobHessing

That hairline is a bit generous for Lebron.

Bluejohn
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January 12, 2022 6:03 pm
Reply to  andy_sims

Let’s not be talking about hairlines at this site

jay14bay
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January 12, 2022 1:50 pm

i might start caring about this team again when the roster is completely revamped

Hippity_Hop_Barbershop
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January 12, 2022 3:31 pm

That tweet is….*deep breaths*….

You merely adopted the hurt. I was born to it. Molded by it. You didn’t know hurt until I was already a man.

BeTheBall
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January 12, 2022 3:42 pm

That tweet conjured up douche chills I haven’t felt since the Imagine sing-along.

Hippity_Hop_Barbershop
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January 13, 2022 8:01 am
Reply to  BeTheBall

Hahaha same. I’ll never forget that Imagine video. After that I was like “ok, we can eat the rich.”

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[…] of my being. I already have 2,002 good reasons to hate them, but as Will pointed out in his preview this afternoon, music superstar, Halsey, gave me yet another branch to stoke the flame of hate […]

Kangz
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January 13, 2022 12:49 am

Had to log in to comment on how funny this damn article is. Thanks for the content.

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