THE OPPONENT

The Kings play at Portland, the defending co-champion of the Northwest Division and a team expected to challenge for Western Conference supremacy. The Blazers have some handsome players, but mostly not-handsome players. The not-handsome players are pretty talented, though.

KEY BATTLE

INTERESTING SIDESHOW

WILD GUESS OF THE EVENING

REAL TALK

Obviously, as this game will serve as the first opportunity to experience (whether through Gary Gerould, or choppy stream, or box score, or play-by-play) the Tyreke Evans-Kevin Martin pairing, it's pretty damn exciting. No preseason game can define anyone, anywhere. But given the beating this team and fan base took last season, a nice start — even if it don't count — could mean something. A shining night of limited work for Evans and Martin together would be a blessing I'll take with a smile.

DETAILS

If you lived on the planet Neptune, you would have just as good a shot as any Sacramento or Portland resident of watching this game. (Again: neither the Kings or Blazers are broadcasting this game, so there will be absolutely no illicit feeds or satellite options. None.) Regardless, it begins at 7 PM Pacific. KHTK 1140 AM will have the radio broadcast. The Sactown Royalty Official Open Game Thread will open up on the front page at precisely 7 PM.

* As to Steve Blake vs. Starting NBA Centers in MMA, I think that Blake would have trouble choking out Dwight Howard (for obvious reasons), Shaquille O'Neal (how can you choke out someone who has no neck?), Brendan Haywood (why don't you ask Etan Thomas what's up!), Joel Przybilla (obvious, he's a badass), Tim Duncan (who will casually slip out of any grapple move), Chris Kaman (who would be disqualified before Blake got a hold locked for trying to gnaw on Blake's arm … Kaman resembles a flesh-eating zombie, you see???) and Brook Lopez (who would immediately counter with a Berserker Barrage followed with a Tornado Claw and finished off, of course, with a Weapon X. Snickety snick!).