" HAHA! And then the Hamburglar was like, 'Whatchu talkin' 'bout Willis?' HA HA HA HA HA HA! Oh my god, it was hilarious. … You had to be there."

THE OPPONENT

Joakim Noah, Luol Deng and Kirk Hinrich deserve the defensive credit. Noah is second in the league in total rebound rate, and eighth in blocks per game. Deng is averaging 18/9 as a combo forward, and playing the stout man defense he is reputed for. Hinrich is a gnat, as you well know. I have no idea how John Salmons's defense has been, but I do know that it was wildly overrated in Sacramento, and I know that Salmons is still trying to find his offense. (His True Shooting is 41.3 percent. Seriously.)

THE KEY BATTLE

At the other end, Evans should be able to drive around or through either Bulls guard. You wonder if The Notorious VDN will opt to stick the long Deng (T.W.S.S.) on 'Reke, but then you realize that makes sense, which is something The N. VDN rarely does, so you stop wondering about that and begin wondering if Jarlsberg is a good choice for a grilled cheese sandwich. (Is it? If not, I have some Swiss, so let me know.)

As for Rose, I will say this: he is pretty good.

INTERESTING SIDESHOW

OK, so, in case you don't know, the Kings are opening up a buffet from 6-7 for any fan with a ticket. (The promotion is currently the splash page of Kings.com. Seriously.) If this game sells out, I predict that the Kings will immediately move to the Silver Legacy casino in Reno. I will be watching the attendance figures with baited (by roast beef and tiny cobs of corn) breath. The only hurdle is accounting for the notoriously healthy Brad Miller Reunion bump. Half of Loomis might come out!

BOLD PROCLAMATION

DETAILS

The game begins at 7 PM, though the tip may be late if Scott Moak is allowed into the buffet. ("Please rise from your seats as we prepare to salute the ham smothered in au jus and garlic mashed potatoes and ranch dressing.") Game thread at 7, Game Thread II at 8, post-game thread at 9:45, recap in South Dakota.