The Kings are in Los Angeles tonight to take on a Lavar Ball owned Los Angeles Lakers squad in the midst of a free fall so dramatic that Felix Baumgartner gets jealous everytime he turns on ESPN. Losers in nine of their last ten games, The Go-Time Lakers are mired in a quagmire of Lebron rumors, trade rumors and the fact that the only person in the Staples Center shooting with any accuracy is the camera man. Luke Walton deserves better than this. Yeah, you read that right. A former Lakers player and Warriors coach deserves better than the ouroboro that is the attention around all things Lakers. But as the age old adage goes, you lie with the dogs, you get the Balls. The Kings have lost six of their own in the last ten games, but don’t let that fact distract you from the fact that most of the SIXTEEN CHAMPIONSHIPS BRO apartment neighbors you had in college now root for a guy they call “Steven Curry”.

Quack Quack, Lonzo. Quack, Quack. Let’s talk Kings basketball.

When: Tuesday, January 9th; 7:30pm PST

Where: Staples Center; Los Angeles, CA

TV: NBCSCA, NBATV

Radio: KHTK Sports 1140 AM

For Your Consideration

The Los Angeles Lakers are a bad basketball organization. I say this knowing full well that I’m currently writing a game preview for fans of a team that will more than like break the American professional sports record for most consecutive seasons without a playoff appearance, but that makes us connoisseurs of crap and also fulfills the Takes One to Know One Rule in the 18th Amendment of our Constitution. The Lakers are a mess all the way down: from the team, to the management, to the players’ parents yelling at coach from the stands (and Lithuania, and on ESPN). So what I’m getting to, what the importance of all this is that the drama, the mismanagement and the constant rumor mongering and headlines is seeping onto the court with how this young group of players is performing.

Let’s go through just how bad the Lakers are at random things: they’re shooting 32.8% from deep, last in the league. The only player getting major minutes and shooting better than ehh for the Lakers is their Rookie of the Year Candidtate Kyle Kuzma at 37.8%. Everyone else worth mentioning is 34% or lower. The Lakers are also currently shooting sub-70% from the free throw line as well, last in the league. While they run at the fastest pace in the NBA, their defense suffers from George Karl syndrome, giving up 111.8 points per game, second worst in the NBA. Also, while they average 107 points per contest, the 10th highest in the league, their offensive rating is third worst in the league. Some of this might be due to the fact that they turn the ball over almost 17 times a game, the fourth worst in the NBA.

While they’re generally a menagerie of malignancies, the Lakers still remain a young, hungry team which, as we all know well, can mean spurts of good to great play. They’re a good rebounding team, 9th in the league in total rebounds, and it’s Lonzo Ball that leads their team in the category at 5.7 a game. Funky, right? Kyle Kuzma, Brandon Ingram and Jordan “Trying to trade him on Orange County Craigslist” Clarkson can all get hot in a hurry, and the Kings haven’t really shown an affinity to stopping a streaking player in the middle of a run this season. They’re adept at blocking shots and getting steals too; 8th and 10th in the league in those respective categories. Tonight it once again comes down to snatching boards and knocking down threes and maybe most importantly, pushing the pace a bit. Is Zach Randolph coming back to play tonight?

I’m already exhausted writing about this team. Gotta go deal with this nosebleed.

Is Harry Giles Playing Tonight? No.

Prediction: Kyle Kuzma and Julius Randle defect to the Kings right before tip-off, seeking asylum from the Lakers drama. Jamil Wilson, former Kings killer on the Clippers, scores 47 points tonight. The guy who runs ClippersSBN’s twitter account goes to the game tonight in a Kaman jersey (you know for the irony) and smirks when this prediction doesn’t come true, then calls his mom on his 4 hour commute back home to tell her how dumb he thought Lady Bird was.

Kings: 109, Lakers: 102