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Chainmail: The Kings mailbag is back!

But first, an important story.
By | 62 Comments | Dec 5, 2023

Greg slowly awoke to the world around him. Eyes gritty. Mouth grimy. Head pounding. Stomach thinking his throat’s been cut. 

I’ve gotta lay off those white claws. 

He had drunk himself to sleep last night after nearly revealing his deepest, darkest secret during the annual Kings Herald karaoke night. First, he had sung Complicated by Avril Lavigne – a crowd favorite and none too suspicious. But after a couple of shots with Ty Corbin, Ghost by Justin Biber just coursed through his veins – he couldn’t stop himself! But perhaps worst of all, his awful Ryan Reynolds and Drake impressions at the bar made some folks eye him suspiciously. 

At least I didn’t apologize for everything I did. Greg thought to himself. 

Pulling himself out of bed, Greg began to dress: blue jeans, a red and white striped shirt, an American pin, and a worn-out “I Voted!” sticker. Every day, his outfit remained the same, although the sticker was occasionally replaced with one from the batch he had snagged on eBay. 

Today was both the best and worst day of the week for Gregarooni. Saturdays were paydays. Not because he was paid on an odd schedule, but because on Saturdays, famed director and producer Christopher Nolan paid Greg $10,000 to lead a wine and paint class at his ultra-mansion just outside of Denver. Was Greg good at painting? No. Was Greg good at teaching? Absolutely not. Was Greg a famous podcaster and Kings writer who gave some street cred to Christopher Nolan’s friend group? Apparently. 

So what made these nights so freaking miserable? Among the group that gathered every Saturday night, Christopher Nolan was the fastest of the bunch. He was the best of the bunch. He was the smartest of the bunch. He was the most talented of the bunch. But was also kind of an asshole who knew how great he truly was, and he let everyone know it. 

Reminds me a bit of Tim, who reminds me a lot of Zach Lowe. Greg chuckled to himself. 

Class began in a mostly normal fashion that evening. As Christopher Nolan and his friends poured themselves some heavy glasses of fine wine, Greg introduced the subject matter of the day – one of his originals – Six Birds in Flight. A majestic image of a penguin, a chicken, a kiwi, an ostrich, an emu, and a kakapo soaring across the sunset, the African safari far below them. It was perhaps Greg’s favorite and most accurate piece. He truly loved it. 

But as per usual, Nolan began to tease and goad Greg once he got a glass or two deep. He would call Greg over and ask ridiculous, patronizing questions, such as “What’s this color?” (It was blue), or “Where do I put my paintbrush?”. Greg hated it, but the paycheck, which barely covered his Kings Herald membership fee, was worth it. Today was no different. 

Fifteen minutes into class, Nolan raised his hand and called out, “Greggy! Oh, Greggy boy! I need helllllllp!”

Greg sauntered over, unimpressed. 

“Can you help me with my painting, Mr. Master Teacher, sir?” Nolan asked. 

“What do you need help with, Mr. Nolan?” Greg replied. 

“Oh, call me by my first name. I always tell you that. Anyway, can you tell me what this creature is in your example? I’ve painted five birds, but I can’t quite interpret what the sixth one could be.” 

Greg peered over Nolan’s shoulder to observe what he had accomplished thus far. A perfect penguin, chicken, kiwi, ostrich, and emu sailed across a sunset that, Greg hated to admit to himself, was even more majestic than the original. Despite 45 minutes remaining in the one-hour session, Nolan had managed to recreate and improve upon his best work, with only the kakapo missing. 

“What could that last animal be? Is it a mammal or a reptile? Perhaps a rodent?” Nolan asked. 

“You know what that is, Mr. Nolan,” Greg replied. 

“Use my first name! And you tell me what it is or I’ll find another Kings podcaster to teach my wine and art class. Do you understand?!” Nolan yelled. 

Greg sighed aloud but answered, the $10,000 check sitting heavy in his pocket. 

“It’s only been fifteen minutes, and that’s your sixth fowl. Chris, do your art, eh?”

Welcome back to the Kings Herald mailbag! Feel free to throw your questions in the comments below, and Will and I answer as many as possible. Get to asking so we can get to answering!

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deepshot22
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December 5, 2023 8:45 am

Is Keegan really untouchable?

Adamsite
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Nostradumbass 14
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December 5, 2023 9:24 am
Reply to  deepshot22

I think this is a solid question. I’d wager he’s about as untouchable as Hali was. The difference is, there is no one else on the roster that can currently replicate what Keegan does. There is no redundancy with him on the roster as there was with Fox and Hali.

TheBaker
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December 5, 2023 9:36 am
Reply to  Adamsite

With both Fox’s and Haliburton’s current production, I would take that redundancy in a heartbeat.

Adamsite
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December 5, 2023 9:45 am
Reply to  TheBaker

That would very likely mean no Sabonis, no Huerter, no Keegan, and Buddy still dribbling it off his own foot.

andy_sims
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December 5, 2023 10:43 am
Reply to  Adamsite

It astounds me that this still needs to be said.

Adamsite
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December 5, 2023 10:54 am
Reply to  andy_sims

Yup. Don’t get me wrong, I miss Hali and think he’s absolutely fantastic, but would anyone here trade Sabonis, Huerter, Keegan, and potentially Monk for Hali and Buddy today? I include Monk because would have signed here with Hali and Buddy ahead of him in the rotation? Also, does Monte still trade Holmes away? Without Sabonis there would be an open chest wound at the 5.

That’s what it boils down to.

RobHessing
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December 5, 2023 11:01 am
Reply to  Adamsite

And that’s without getting into the fact that Fox and Hali were never nearly as good together as they have been apart.

Hali is a Steve Nash prototype, Fox is a Dame Lillard prototype. They run (and flourish in) entirely different systems.

Adamsite
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December 5, 2023 11:03 am
Reply to  RobHessing

Solid point.

TheBaker
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December 5, 2023 9:10 am

Tube socks, crew socks, ankle socks, or no socks?

Klam
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December 5, 2023 12:18 pm
Reply to  TheBaker

What about the no pants option for Rob?

UpgradedToQuestionable
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December 6, 2023 1:53 am
Reply to  TheBaker

sock garters – I’ve only seen them movies; are they real? if so- why?

tom4life2001
December 5, 2023 9:14 am

Can this team win the championship as currently constituted? If not, does trade target Pascal Siakam’s 3P shooting (especially this year) give you pause?

Adamsite
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December 5, 2023 9:21 am
Reply to  tom4life2001

I’d wonder if this team can get out of the first round as it’s currently constructed.

Jack
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December 5, 2023 10:17 am
Reply to  Adamsite

IMO they won’t get to the first round as consruted.

RikSmits
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December 5, 2023 11:05 am
Reply to  Jack

IMO the franchsie will be dissolved before the All Star break.

RobHessing
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December 5, 2023 11:11 am
Reply to  RikSmits

comment image

Jack
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December 5, 2023 10:16 am
Reply to  tom4life2001

IMO they can not win a championship with the current team. Besides the same teams like the Nuggets, Suns, Lakers, Clippers etc. you have the Timberwolves, OKC, Pels, even the Pacers who can put a dent in the Kings side. Unless Monty can shore up their problems they IMO might get to the playin and no more.

andy_sims
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December 5, 2023 9:23 am

…on Saturdays, famed director and producer Christopher Nolan paid Greg $10,000 to lead a wine and paint class at his ultra-mansion just outside of Denver.

More like “led a wine and lead paint class.”

SavageBeast
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December 5, 2023 9:26 am

How do we sign up for Greg’s art class? And does he take Golden One Arena gift cards?

andy_sims
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December 5, 2023 10:44 am
Reply to  SavageBeast

Greg only accepts gift cards from Bennigan’s and Spencer’s Gifts.

Klam
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December 5, 2023 1:11 pm
Reply to  andy_sims

I just use Labradford’s credit card.

Hobby916
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December 5, 2023 9:42 am

What have been the changes in the offensive and defensive schemes this season compared to last season, and how they are working/not working thus far?

Jack
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December 5, 2023 10:19 am
Reply to  Hobby916

I don’t know about the offense but IMO have no defensive schemes.

jwalker1395
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December 6, 2023 11:50 am
Reply to  Hobby916

There’s a pretty sophisticated system of rotations, doubling, and hard close outs with backup for blow-bys on defense. It clearly took a while for new additions like Sasha, Duarte, and McGee to grasp it as you can see lots of players and coaches pointing out their blown rotations in the preseason/first 10 games. The defense is clearly better now that the Kings are defending as a unit, rather than individuals (where they are weakest) which is why we’ve so far improved our defensive rating. I’d reckon the defensive scheme works superbly in making a batch of bad defenders a passable unit, but it’s never going to be optimal until you get improved defensive personnel.

Adamsite
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December 5, 2023 9:46 am

What is the projected future for Davion Mitchell?

Jack
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December 5, 2023 10:21 am
Reply to  Adamsite

I really like the guy especially his defense but should be traded if possible.

rff
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December 5, 2023 10:00 am

The Kings have trouble against long athletic front lines. In certain situations would a front line of Mcgee(5), Domas(4) and Murray(3) be effective?

Jack
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December 5, 2023 10:21 am
Reply to  rff

No!

jwalker1395
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December 6, 2023 11:44 am
Reply to  Jack

If the solution to the equation is “More McGee,” then you might need to check your work.

SavageBeast
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December 5, 2023 2:08 pm
Reply to  rff

I was wondering the same thing last night. It really feels like there are certain centers that Sabonis is a bad match for. In certain situations, I could see him sliding to four and Murray playing three. They are both fast enough to guard smaller players and good dominate with length and size. It would be an interesting experiemnet.

RobHessing
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December 5, 2023 10:01 am

If Fox maintains his current level of play (or amazingly gets even better), how long does he need to sustain it before he surpasses Richmond and/or Webber as the Sac. GOAT?

Jack
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December 5, 2023 10:22 am
Reply to  RobHessing

Soon.

jwalker1395
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December 6, 2023 11:43 am
Reply to  RobHessing

Playoff success is what distinguishes CWebb as the goat

RobHessing
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December 6, 2023 12:08 pm
Reply to  jwalker1395

6 straight years, 31-27, one WCF appearance. That is a reasonable bar.

AnybodyButBagley
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December 6, 2023 9:26 pm
Reply to  RobHessing

Do something in the post season.

RobHessing
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December 5, 2023 10:36 am

Is/are there viable trade(s) that you make to get this team from good to great?

Adamsite
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December 5, 2023 11:00 am
Reply to  RobHessing

Any viable trade that takes this team from good to great is going to take picks. Right now Monte’s hands are tied with the obligations to ATL.

My first move would be to make the 2024 pick (currently lottery protected) fully guaranteed by some minor trade with ATL. Once the 2026, 2028 and 2030 picks are free, now there may be something “viable.”

*side note, just typing 2030 blows my mind. Where has the time gone?

RobHessing
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December 5, 2023 11:02 am
Reply to  Adamsite

Where has the time gone?

To my waist.

Klam
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December 5, 2023 1:10 pm
Reply to  RobHessing

comment image

UpgradedToQuestionable
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December 6, 2023 1:58 am
Reply to  RobHessing

ah! this explains the adage
Time’s a-waisting

RobHessing
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December 6, 2023 7:44 am

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

SavageBeast
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December 5, 2023 1:54 pm
Reply to  Adamsite

I don’t think it would be that hard to pull that off if a trade was in place. And technically I think you can phrase a deal by saying the first available first round pick plus two years after that, etc. But if we needed to free the pick up, like you said, you make some some deal with ATL.

TerzoM
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December 5, 2023 11:26 am

Is HB’s 54M/3Y contract hard to move?If we don’t improve in playoffs, would you still extend Malik Monk in the post season?

Last edited 2 months ago by TerzoM
Hobby916
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December 5, 2023 11:31 am

Is a Calzone a sandwich, a pizza, or other?

RobHessing
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December 5, 2023 12:22 pm
Reply to  Hobby916

It’s a UC Berkeley defense.

Daydreamer
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December 5, 2023 1:48 pm
Reply to  RobHessing

This pun works only with the Steinbrenner/Costanza pronunciation of “calzone.”

andy_sims
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December 5, 2023 1:02 pm
Reply to  Hobby916

It is a Hot Pocket handed down from Mount Olympus.

Marty
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December 6, 2023 8:04 am
Reply to  Hobby916

Timing is good.

Anyone know of a place in Sacramento where you can get a good stromboli? I was just searching this the other night. That shit is the bomb back in the homeland.

RobHessing
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December 6, 2023 8:10 am
Reply to  Marty

Dominick’s up in Granite Bay, though it’s been a minute. If you’re looking for something closer to downtown, maybe try Sampino’s?

Daydreamer
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December 5, 2023 1:38 pm

Tim was channeling Stephen Pastis.

Last edited 2 months ago by Daydreamer
SavageBeast
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December 5, 2023 2:03 pm

If you were going to go all in on a win now trade, and you weren’t targeting a specific player, what position would you fill? Obviously starting PG is filled. I don’t know that Red Velvet is the be all end all at SG, but with the way Monk is playing, the position really seems solid between the two of them. So the question is, do you look 3 and keep Keegan at 4, 4 and slide to Keegan to the 3, or if you had the chance to grab an amazing center would you consider going for a 5 while sliding Domantas to the 4 and Keegan to 3?

In this scenario, I’m assuming that we don’t trade Keegan or Monk, which I know isn’t a given.

Sacto_J
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December 5, 2023 7:12 pm

Is the focus and improvement on defense worth the sacrifices being made on offense? Especially considering at this point they’ve fallen to 20th at this point in the year…?

TLDR: to be fair, I’m not quite sure what all we’d be talking about in regards to the offensive sacrifices. The eye test says they seem to struggle in the half court a bit more this year, aren’t getting as many fast break points, are lacking pace (which they were able to exploit to they’re advantage quite a lot) while shooting more 3’s at a less efficient clip. To name a few. Just off the eye test.

LetsGoSac
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December 5, 2023 9:00 pm

Who’s an under the radar trade target you like? This could either be a big name who we don’t discuss often or a lesser known player who you think would be a realistic target. (Basically anybody not named Caruso, LaVine, O.G, or Siakam)

jwalker1395
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December 6, 2023 11:39 am
Reply to  LetsGoSac

For backup centers I like Zach Collins or Kelly Olynk. Vets that can defend, space the floor and make the right pass in the post.

For forwards I’d love Herb Jones or Trey Murphy but I doubt the Pels give them up for a reasonable price. Jonathan Isaac seems like a picture perfect piece to play alongside Sabonis, but the injuries and off-court kookiness are a bit too much for me.

And I’d doubt they’d give him up, but Santi Aldama from Memphis might be the ideal PF for this team that isn’t already an All-NBA player. He’s my favorite name besides maybe Herb Jones that I’ve mentioned here.

jwalker1395
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December 6, 2023 7:29 am

Kings get their third star, improve the defense, save cap flexibility to resign Monk, and do it without moving Keegan.

Cavs get their elusive two-way forward for a pithy.

Toronto gets a goodie bag for their new era.

Who says no???

fanspo-nba-trade-machine-snap_12-3-2023_1-54-04PM
Jman1949
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December 6, 2023 10:24 am
Reply to  jwalker1395

I’ve seen some talk of Cavs questioning Mobley’s fit with what they’re trying to do. Do you think Harrison Barnes (or Huerter) and a couple of firsts would be enough to pry him loose (with perhaps Niang thrown in to make salaries work)?

Last edited 2 months ago by Jman1949
jwalker1395
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December 6, 2023 11:41 am
Reply to  Jman1949

Cavs would be fools to give up Evan Mobley imo. I’d get rid of everyone else on that roster before him.

Jman1949
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December 6, 2023 12:19 pm
Reply to  jwalker1395

His reluctance to shoot / lack of offensive aggressiveness seems to be the issue for them. And they gave up so much of their future draft assets to get Mitchell. I’d at least explore the options.

Marty
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December 6, 2023 7:51 am

Your current take on the TV broadcast team is?

rockbottom
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December 6, 2023 8:52 am
Reply to  Marty

As hard to watch as the team is fun to watch . Have really enjoyed the ESPN and TNT recent broadcasts .

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December 6, 2023 2:53 pm

What was the process for scheduling the Wednesday and Friday non-IST game opponents? How did the TWolves manage to get the Spurs tonight and the Grizzlies on Friday?

ajonez81
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December 7, 2023 9:58 pm

Who will have the best career?: Tyrese, Fox, or Sabonis…hint, it’s definitely the first one.

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