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Kings vs. Pelicans Preview: In The End, It Doesn’t Even Matter

The Sacramento Kings tried so hard* and got so far** .... *not really *they were the second team eliminated.

The Sacramento Kings will be taking on the New Orleans Pelicans, the only other team already eliminated from playoff contention in the Western Conference side of the bubble. This summer, the Pelicans will fire their head coach for doing a far better job than anything Luke Walton has ever done and will likely hire someone competent. The Kings will stay as they ever were, as they ever will be. The Kings will be without De'Aaron Fox who is experiencing shoulder stiffness aka "this whole thing couldn't be about practice or the Kings would have him out there" and also without Richaun Holmes, who actually has a bum leg. If you were excited to watch the Pelicans side of things: Zion Williamson, Jrue Holiday and Brandon Ingram will all be sitting as well.

Are you bored of this preview yet?

When: Tuesday, August 11th - 6 pm PST

Where: Tartarus, HireNewManagementItsNotThat Complex, Kissimmee, FL

TV: TNT, NBCSCA

Radio: KHTK Sports 1140 AM

For Your Consideration

I know I promised on Twitter that after the performance the Kings gave against the Houston Rockets, my entire preview would just be a ten minute video of fart sound effects.... but I could only find this three hour one. So please enjoy.

I'm sure I could write about the young guys getting their shot to shine, or how Bogi or Buddy now get a chance to prove their mettle without Fox in the lineup, but honestly, this team doesn't deserve your eyes right now and our time is best spent enjoying something in this slow motion collapse of human civilization. I guess I could write my reviews of the first two episodes of Twin Peaks, as they are somehow less confusing and less weird than the last near-decade-and-a-half of Kings basketball, but I know you all would end up spoiling the plot in the comments and I really need to know what entity David Lynch draws up to kill Laura Palmer. There will be other posts on the site today. Read those.

Greg, if you've got anything to say, I cede my time to you.

Greg's note: I never finished watching Twin Peaks. I don't think I even got through Season One. It strikes me as something that was revolutionary at the time but if you're experiencing it now for the first time it's very slow and strange without purpose. That's to say that I love a strange show, but I think Twin Peaks was strange in ways that only made sense to David Lynch. But I watch Kings games, so who am I to judge anyone for the things they spend their time viewing?

Prediction

Some dingus tweets something about Fox ducking Ball for once. It won't be funny.

Kings: 122, Pelicans: 108

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Rob Hessing
1 month ago

Kangz. Pelz.
comment image
Next.

Last edited 1 month ago by RobHessing
Fifth Mookie
1 month ago

OMG that cover image!

Fifth Mookie
1 month ago
Reply to  WGriffith

Will you step down if that image isn’t better in 2 years?

Hong Kong Kings Fan
1 month ago

All I wanted is J. Parker played 48 mins and shoot over 40 shots..grab all the rebounds

Then he can get his 50 pts..along with 20+ rebound..
then Divac can shows to the world that he made an excellent trade…….

1 month ago

Dear valued customers,

Quick poll: Do the Sacramento King’s give you diarrhea, constipation, or any other symptoms of irritable bowel disease? Let us know your exact symptoms so we can tailor the perfect product to meet your intestines demands.

Alexander Johnson-Outlaw
1 month ago
Reply to  VladePotty

Do you have anything for severe depression and anger?

1 month ago
Reply to  aljout

We recommend a cocktail of MiraLax and prune juice. Helps in processing grief by replicating the way the Kings do business, just crapin’ everywhere

Ican Hascheezburger
1 month ago
Reply to  VladePotty

The Kings give me melancholy and infinite sadness.

Last edited 1 month ago by Kosta
Fifth Mookie
1 month ago
Reply to  Kosta

TIL: Billy Corgan is a Kings fan….

Greg Lederman
1 month ago
Reply to  TheFifthMookie

Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in the G1C.

Ican Hascheezburger
1 month ago

Twin Peaks spoiler? Or Kings 2021 spoiler:
comment image

Ican Hascheezburger
1 month ago
Reply to  Kosta

Also, speaking of David Lynch, I’ve met one person who shares my love of Inland Empire.

Anyone else? Join our cult club!

Adam Dieter
1 month ago

Not gonna watch. Couldn’t give a shit. Fire Vlade and Walton.

J T
1 month ago
Last edited 1 month ago by sj60615
Maxwell Huss
1 month ago

I’ve compiled a little local media talking points list for easy reference:

If the Kings win:
Sign of good things to come.
Swept the Pelicans.
Walton’s system finally gelling.

Kings lose:
It’s just an extended training camp.
The Pelicans really wanted this one, and are a very good young team.
Walton just developing for future playoff glory.
Too many injuries.
Covid cases sunk our chances in the bubble.

In either scenario:
—Replacement level production from a young player (anyone 26 or under)? Talk about our “promising future”.
—It’s too bad Covid ruined our season. We were just about to turn a corner.

*If all else fails*
–Remind them of 2002.

Kevin Lam
1 month ago
Reply to  AirmaxPG

What the fans don’t understand is…

Kings Guru21
1 month ago
Reply to  Klam

That should be stricken from the English language.

Kings Guru21
1 month ago
Reply to  AirmaxPG

Handy cheat sheet Adam. Thanks!

J Man
1 month ago

It’s over, our bubble has burst.
In Orlando, we’re nearly the worst.
In a matchup that smells,
We’re playing the Pels
And wond’ring how long we’ll be cursed!

Mark Shelton
1 month ago

What were we talking about again? I forgot. I’m not even sure why I’m here anymore or what this was all for…

I think I am no longer a Kings fan. I just come here for the memes, gifs, and smartassy comments. If the Kings win by 60 or lose by 80… it makes no difference to me.

I have not watched a minute of basketball since the last game I saw at Golden One back in… January maybe? I can’t remember that far back. I know this… I won’t be watching another minute of it until both Vlade and Walton are gone.
I will not buy into any more nonsense fake hype from this organization.

First Last
1 month ago

comment image

John Navickas
1 month ago
Reply to  Marty
Last edited 1 month ago by CoreyBrewersD
Harvey Specter
1 month ago

“I’VE COME SO FAR, TO LOSE IT ALL!”

Also, you know what’s really annoying? The Kangz have always done this – get rid of a coach without a good plan in place. We did it with Adelman without a “Without A, then B, if not B, C) plan. Downslide for 14 years. Karl, Malone, Joerger. Kings have a good upside year with Joerger and we can him for the “players coach”. And what the hell does that mean? They don’t chew out Buddy for being d**k on the floor?

I see people (not here necessarily) refer to Phil Jackson as a player coach. But you bet your ass he’d be chewing out Buddy for the same stuff as Joerger.

We have cycled through coaching styles and the team is still ass.

To paraphrase Team Ziller’s SBN article from April, it is hard to not wear my fandom as a hat, rather than vesting myself with it. Just too torturous. Sigh.

Maxwell Huss
1 month ago
Reply to  HarveySpecter

I think the reason is that quality coaches question the organization. People who understand the game can tell very quickly that these dipshits in ownership and the FO have no idea what they’re doing.

So they get canned, and replaced with yes men who are just happy to have a job.

G Naps
1 month ago
Reply to  AirmaxPG

Exactly this. Just like in any line of business people talk. Its not like the Kings ownership and FO internal missteps are insulated from the rest of the league.

andy sims
1 month ago
Reply to  HarveySpecter

It never occurred to me until just now that we had Karl, Malone as head coach. I expected more from the Mailman.

Robert Hendrix
1 month ago
Reply to  andy_sims

Well the playoff drought is 14 years old now…

Parker Wells
1 month ago

I wonder if aspiring head coaches are watching this game, taking notes of what they’d want to do with either roster, preparing for their job interviews. Because at least one of these HC chairs will be available in the offseason.

Fifth Mookie
1 month ago
Reply to  Wonderchild

and it’s going to be the Pelicans. Horrifically for Kings fans, I predict Walton gets another full year due to cronyism and COVID driven budget excuses.

G Naps
1 month ago
Reply to  TheFifthMookie

Its probably a bit frustrating to the other owners to constantly have a minimum of 2 head coaches on the books.

Parker Wells
1 month ago
Reply to  G-naps

it happens so often to the Kings, they just budget for it now.

Parker Wells
1 month ago
Reply to  TheFifthMookie

TBH, if Stan Van Gundy wants to coach again, I could see a great fit with the Pelicans. The whole key is getting Zion to buy in to defense.

But I also think he’s a better analyst than his brother, so I kinda want him to stay in the booth.

First Last
1 month ago
Reply to  Wonderchild

I want the Brad Stevens approach.

A veteran already of the wide open 3 offense, and give them full reign to immediately modernize. No turning back.

andy sims
1 month ago

Look, I was promised three hours of farts, and this is just a loop of the same ten farts over and over. And listen for yourself! Maybe one of them is actually authentic.

This is a real low point for this website, and I hope it isn’t a harbinger of things to come.

Adam Dieter
1 month ago
Reply to  andy_sims

Yeah, something stinks about that video.

Maxwell Huss
1 month ago
Reply to  andy_sims

If someone posts a fart gif on Sactown Royalty… but nobody is there to hear it… Does it really make a sound?

Kevin Lam
1 month ago
Reply to  AirmaxPG

comment image?itemid=12688511

Kings Guru21
1 month ago

Im glad I read the preview. Tonight I’ll be watching baseball, not scouting players for no especially good reason.

First Last
1 month ago
Reply to  Kingsguru21

C’mon now, the Lukas are on at 3:30.

Fifth Mookie
1 month ago

I have to admit, I’m considering tuning in to this one just to see what the national announcers have to say during the game

Rob Hessing
1 month ago
Reply to  TheFifthMookie

comment image

Kevin Lam
1 month ago

Talk about the Suns surprising everyone in the bubble. 7-0.

Kevin Lam
1 month ago
Reply to  Klam

Sorry to rub it in, Vlade.

G Naps
1 month ago

The background graphics on the pic reminds me of the simpsons

Last edited 1 month ago by G-naps

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