The Kings are in the final stretch of their season and with two playoff teams from Texas looming in the back, Sacramento must first deal with the beast in front; the second worst team in the league and probably worst perpetrator of the blatant tankers, the Memphis Grizzlies. Coming out on the losing end of 26 of their last 29 games, the Grizzlies have met misfortune all season long, and most of it was self-harm. Between firing their smart up-and-coming coach far to early in the season, and dealing with Mike Conley’s quivering achilles, Memphis decided that it was time to call it quits on the season fairly early. A 20-5-5 return to form for Tyreke? SHUT HIM DOWN. Marc Gasol is healthy? THAT MAN LOOKS SLEEPY, GIVE HIM SOME REST. Tonight’s game against the Kings will feature at least eight players out for a variety of reasons, but that injury report is wrong: most of these men are DNP-Tank. Welcome to Memphis, Tennessee where the only ten I see are the healthy players sitting on the Grizzlies bench!

Let’s talk Z-Bo’s recent minutes Kings basketball!

When: Friday, April 5th; 5:00 pm PST

Where: FedEx Forum, Memphis, TN

TV: NBCSCA

Radio: KTHK Sports 1140 AM

For Your Consideration

The Comprehensive List of Horses I Beat to Death: Dave Joerger returns to his former employer. Z-Bo returns to the place that turned his career around. Remember Vince Carter played for the Grizz? Oooh that Courtney Lee tip in? #HollinsTouchedTheBall. Bob Pera is legit crazy. Fizdale getting fired was a surprise. Take that for Data! Tyreke is a 20-5-5 guy! Where’d that Ben McLemore clank off to? Why didn’t I call this The Comprehensive List of Horses I Hasheem Thabeet to Death? What’s Marc Gasol look like in a Spurs uniform? Chandler Parsons is getting paid a lot of moolah. Mike Conley is getting paid A LOT OF MOOLAH. I’m not getting paid enough moolah to squeeze blood out of this rock of a game!

StR-oke of Luck: So let’s say for the sake of conversation that we decide to burn Jack Cooley on a pyre outside of Golden 1 Center next month, and the basketball gods are pleased with Sacramento sacrificing the GOAT. Kings wind up with the third pick in the 2018 NBA Draft. The night comes and DeAndre Ayton and Luka Doncic are picked #1 and #2.

In that situation, who do you want the Kings to draft? In that situation, who do you think they end up drafting? In a situation where we murdered a likely unkillable man, why did the Kings still end up only picking third? When The Undying King Cooley inevitably rises from the ashes, does he return pleased at his new form, or angry at the gesture? I’m not a draft expert or anything, you all will have to tell me these things.

Prediction: Memphis decides to go with the ultimate tank gesture and retracts themselves from the league. Take. That. For. Data.

Kings: Cooley, Grizzlies: 0